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Monday, June 27, 2011

Why do GOOD girls like BAD boys?

Caveat: By "bad boys” I mean the men women know we should stay away from but we dont. They are the men our mother’s warned us about. They are the men who play the dating game by their own rules and if you fail to follow them you will be sleeping with a broken heart. They are the men we know we are not meant to marry, but we fall for them anyway. 

In case you're wondering, I believe every woman has desired at least one bad boy. I also think many of us will fall or have fallen for a bad guy at least once during our dating lifespan. Bad Boys a certain *thing* about him that makes us ignore our intuition and forget all the things our mothers warned us about. We throw out our common sense, sense of self worth, and sense of direction for the chance to take a trip on the bad boy ride. 
It is a perplexing sight we have all seen before: 
The smart and pretty girl who dates the drug dealer. 
The virgin who dates the manwh*re. 
The conservative uptown girl who dates the liberal downtown guy.  
We wonder why the good girl isn't with someone who is more like HER? Why isn't she with a guy who completes her cookie cutter picture of success? Someone who works a regular job, brings her roses once a week and wears a conservative hairstyle?

As a recovering “bad boy addict,” I can personally attest to the joy and pain of riding the bad boy ride and I'm here to shine some light where darkness once existed. There was a period in my dating life where I did not think a man had sex appeal unless he had rough edges. In my mind, DMX was the best thing smokin. Now before you judge me, this was the DMX that did a song with Sisqo; the pre-jail and multiple drug busts DMX if you will. Still judging me? Thats fine. Moving on. During the aforementioned "bad boy" era, if a man did not resemble Damion Marley, he did not get a second look from me. Bad boys have the uncanny ability to wrap you up in their drama and convince you to stand by them through stints in federal prison, drug busts, club fights, babymamas and high speed chases on I-95 O_o. 

Why would a woman subject herself to this? Bow to your sansei, then check out 5 reasons why good girls like bad boys:
1. She wants to taste the forbidden fruit. Women have been blamed for the problems of the world ever since Eve supposedly convinced Adam to take a bite of the forbidden fruit. Bad boys are the modern day version of forbidden fruit.  Even if you did not want it before, as soon as someone tells you it is forbidden the desire for it kicks in. The more the ‘rents tell you to stay away from something, the more your desire to have it increases. Fruit tastes so much sweeter when it forbidden. Beware of fruit who will ride around with illegal substances in the car because both of you will end up arrested. You will learn what its like to rot behind bars. 
2. She wants to piss off her parents. Whats more satisfying for a rebellious spirit than to see the look in her father's eyes when his blood boils? Its not out of spite. Its not to be mean. There is just *something* that makes us draw satisfaction from knowing we are getting under our parents’ skin. Even if the relationship is not that great, we cannot resist the urge to make it seem perfect just for the sake of getting the parental unit worked up.
3. She is going through a "phase." The last guy we dated was a "good" guy and he still ended up breaking our hearts. What do we do? We date the guy who looks the complete opposite of our last beau. In order to rid herself of all feelings for said ex, she turns to the man who is least like him.

4. She is tired of being a "good girl." Good girls are dry and predictable. I imagine its annoying to constantly hear "I knew you would say that" or "I knew thats what you would do." She is always the designated driver. She is always dressed conservatively. Does this sound exciting to you? Of all the titles you could assume in your circle who volunteer to be "the predictable one?" This girl dates bad boys to help her escape the mundane nature of her life. Her bad boy helps her forget her “good girl” title and gives her the chance to walk on the edge. He opens her mind to new things. This is also true for bad boys who date good girls. 

5. She fears a real commitment. We know what the good guys look like. They are safe. They are secure. They are predictable. They will never disrespect you. A woman who fears a comittment will run from these things. The more she dates a man that is the exact opposite of this, the longer she can run from making a commitment. We deny this but actions speak louder than words. Be careful because we may ride this lie until the wheels fall off.  Trying to build something we know wont work is often a sign we are running from something. Bad boys are often emotionally unavailable so commitments (or monogamy) are out of the question. Its hard enough to get him to answer the phone everyday. We invest our time and emotions into empty relationships because we fear what might happen if we met Mr. Right. We offset this by making the bad boys our Mr. Right Now. 
The question I raise today is one that has befuddled blog readers, Youtube watchers, electric sliders and strip club visitors since the debut of the first Law & Order. Perhaps you would like to offer your own answers? Why do you think "good" girls like "bad boys"? Further, why do you think “bad boys” like “good girls?” Who’s Taking Who? Do opposites really attract? The floor is yours...


Marcus Leach said...

great blog!keep up the writing - i forwarded this to my 5 knuckle-head older sisters

Rickeysha G said...

@Marcus Leach

Thanks Marcus! Now when they stop by they will see you called them "knuckle-heads" I hope that doesn't cause any family drama! But if it does, feel free to fill me in on it. *patiently waiting*

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