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Wednesday, August 03, 2011

OPPOSITE DAY: 3 things MEN do that WOMEN should START doing

Nobody told me today was Opposite Day! 
Over the past two years, single black women have been under fire.  I have to admit, I'm sick of it. People like Steve Harvey tell us to "Act like a lady but think like a man" and I think Mr. Harvey just might be on to something. His message may be a little "duh-worthy" but it is worth a second thought. While it is true that Mr. Harvey has been married thrice and divorced twice, the mere title of his book alone is something women should think about. We should all act like ladies but when dealing with men we should try to be cognizant of how they think. It is impossible to know what someone is thinking unless they tell you but if you are aware of the mindset of the person you're dealing with, it will benefit you.

Women could solve a lot of our relationship problems if we removed our emotions from the equation and thought about things from the male perspective. Women complicate things. Women are emotional. Women are nurturing. Unfortunately when dealing with men who are the opposite of this things can get complicated and misunderstood. Now that I think about it, I envy men and male friendships because they keep things so simple. I'm not the only one. Beyonce sang a song about what she would do if she were a boy. Ciara did the same. There are some things men do as a collective that women should start to do.

With that in mind, Talented Generation has declared today Opposite Day. How do we celebrate Opposite Day? By mastering some of the things men do to us.

Pull up a chair. Kiss the rang.

1. Flipping 101. Have you ever been in an argument and walked away disappointed in yourself? Have you ever asked him a question and you end up questioning yourself? Have you ever started a series of questions and before you know it he's giving you the 3rd degree? Wondering how this happened? *This* ladies and gentlemen is the result of “flipping the situation 101.” It is a talent many cheaters and "smooth operators" possess as a deflector from their f*ck ups. They turn the situation to play on your insecurities with below the belt comments that make you question your reasons for questioning them. Either way, you walk away from confrontations without answers and unable to shake your suspicions. Need an example? Belvedere is here to help. 
Scene: Guys phone vibrates at 1am. Girl is laying next to him in bed and is awakened by the vibrations.
Her: Who is that calling your phone at 1am?
Him: Thats nobody baby. I didn't answer because its a nobody. You're the only somebody that matters.
*soft kisses*<----FLIPPED!
Her: *Forgets about the phone calls and returns to dreamland*
Do you see what he did there? He made her forget all about the trifling heffa that disrespected her living space by calling at 1am. Nevermind the fact that he did not set boundaries for her so that she knows calling at 1am is unacceptable, he didn't bother to apologize. He didn't say anything about putting her in her place or telling her not to call at such an hour. He flipped the situation and instead of his lady getting upset, she was thrown off by a few sweet kisses and some sweet nothings.

If women could master flipping a situation 101, straddling, and crying at the drop of a hat, we could assume our rightful place as rulers of the free world. Inception.

2. Set boundaries and stick to them. In your first convo he says he doesnt like kissing. He says he's not romantic and he doesnt celebrate Valentine's Day. Women make the mistake of thinking we can change this. We can't. The truth is that he can be a Romeo and that he HAS celebrated Valentine's day every year but he has decided he doesnt want that type of relationship with you.  Men exercise their right to have reservations about what they are willing to do. What does this mean for women? When St. Valentine sends cupid our way on February 14 our gift basket is empty. Better yet, when he doesnt plan anything special on V-Day we dare not complain. Why? When we complain, he reminds us of the convo when he told us he didnt celebrate V-Day.  When her friends ask what she got she responds "we dont celebrate Valentine's Day."  Women need to do the same thing. If you dont spread em on the first date, tell him that and stick to your rules. Make your boundaries clear so there is no room for discussion or persuasion. If he doesn't want to respect you for your boundaries, have the strength to move on. Recognize that he WILL test you. Some women have a 90 day rule for sex but they end up breaking it by day 15. They end up mad at themselves for breaking their rule and realize their beau doesn't respect any other rules she tries to implement. He tests her every time she tries to set another boundary.  That is what happens when you fail to stick to your guns. Set your boundaries and stick to them. If he doesnt respond accordingly strap up your combat boots and kick his a$$ to the curb.

3. Categorize people.We all put people into categories without thinking. We look at others to determine things like: male/female; black/white/brown/gray; attractive/unattractive/Jesus hates your parents; etc. I regret to admit men are better at this than women. Although we have mastered what it means to put men in the "friend" category, we have not mastered much else. Men place women in categories to determine how they will treat us. Men characterize us as heauxxs, smuts, real women and then theres the coveted "wifey material" label. If he has decided you are nothing more than a heauxx you will be treated as such. The same goes for the other labels.  If we developed more labels for men, we could save ourselves a lot more heart ache. In a perfect world, all men would respect all women, but we dont live in a perfect world. We live in a world filled with a lot of f*cked up people. Le sigh.

I know there are a few things I missed. Ladies, what are some of the things men do that you wish women could do? Men, is there anything women do that you wish you could do?

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