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Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Love & Hip Atlanta: The Episode 3 Recap

Full disclosure: I realize this show is fake and scripted. They do a terrible job of trying to hide that. Its that train wreck I can't turn away from. 
**Edit** If you want to watch the full episode 3, click here
In case you missed it, peep the episode 2 recap.
I missed the first go around so this is what I got from watching the rerun. 
Of course we start with a recap from last week's fckry. Now, we all know whats gonna happen this week I just need vh1 to stop putting off the inevitable. 

11:00pm The show picks up where we left off last week with Stevie J & Joseline on that cum catching couch. "I"m very stingy with my cootie cat" proclaims Joseline as she explains her sexual prowess and threatens to take 50% of Stevie's earnings. Stevie grabs his jock.  Joseline admits Stevie J is the best she ever had. Oh, girl. 

11:03pm K Michelle meets producer B Cox at the studio. She wants to show off her talent for all the local producers. B. Cox gives her a speech about putting forth K. Michelle the brand at her artist showcase. K. Michelle recounts her experience with her previous label Jive records. She doesn't have anything to show for her deal. "I gotta kill it. I gotta be great but at the same time I gotta be honest with my emotions." Girl, ok. 

11:06pm Scrappy stops by to see his mom Momma-Dee at her house. Scrappy says  he just found a place to call his home. He wants understanding from Erica who doesn't show him affection even though the two are shackin' up. He doesn't think he needs to be with a woman to "mess with her the long way." For those who don't know what that means, he's saying he doesn't need to be in a monogamous relationship to have tons love and respect for his lady. Momma Dee's bang is giving me too much. Momma Dee isn't fond of Scrappy's ex, Diamond, and finds a way to throw shade at her whenever possible. Meanwhile, Diamond is still bumpin uglies and not givin a fck about any of these people with Soulja Boy. 

11:11pm Rasheeda's husband Kirk meets her at a restaurant. Goodness her earrings are hideous. Its like these women are in a "who can wear the ugliest earrings" race. She learns her tardiness in last week's episode cost her an extra $3,000. Pity. I'm guessing Rasheeda thinks the world owes her a round of applause. Rasheeda wants to keep the rights to her songs. Smart move girl. Those earrings tho? Dumb move. Their business relationship is wearing down on their marriage. I can tell Kirk is just about fed up. 

11:14pm Erica is troubled by Scrappy's decision to move out. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say its because she thinks its gonna make it easier for to him to get some new poon.  She's about to do somethin special for him and try to change his mind. Aint nothin like loyal pussy giving you the same pussy you've been gettin all along to try to make you change your already made-up mind. Girl, you so creative. Rose petals and candles. Oh well, it made Scrappy feel like Prince Akeem. It didn't work cuz he's still moving out. Womp womp! Erica wants Scrap to agree not to mess around with other chicks when he moves out. Who believes he'll stay faithful? Not I. 

11:17pm We're treated to an inside view of K. Michelle's showcase. YAY! *sarcasm* Here comes Rasheeda with these braids. They're just as ugly this time around. B. Cox is the MC. Isn't this the same place from last week? They don't have a lot of options to serve as a set do they? K. Michelle sings. Her shirt has porcupine sleeves. "Bury my heart" sounds a lot like "Wade in the Water" to me but I aint no hater. Stevie J is drunk and loud. He demands a kiss from Mimi who refuses. We all know he's gonna hit that later anyway. Karlie is being messy, as usual. 

11:26pm Erica mocks Stevie J and he catches her in the act. Funny funny. Erica didn't know Stevie J and Mimi were whatever they are.  Stevie J pulls a bitch move and steps to Erica calling her a bitch. He calls her a "disrespectful slut monkey" as he walks away. Real class act. I guess now we know why Scrappy is gonna mollywhop Stevie's ass. Mimi is the only one who doesn't get it. She has a lot to say when Stevie isn't around tho. Coward. 

11:28pm Stevie and Mimi meet up at an undisclosed location. Mimi wants to know why Stevie went off on Erica. Its cuz he is a bitch. That was easy. Stevie says he was mad at the world because he managed to get a man pregnant.  Ok that was  a paraphrase. Stevie, knowing Joseline is pregnant with his seed, still stands by his lie that he didn't have sex with Joseline. Mimi doesn't want "females" coming in between their relationship. Mimi's rose colored glasses are sooooo ironic. 

11:30pm Joseline is wearing a wig made entirely of baby hair. She lives in an apartment that has furniture from IKEA's dollhouse collection. She reveals to her neighbor she's pregnant. Her neighbor doesn't speak English as a primary language either. Joseline fondly remembers the night she and Stevie met. I can't understand what she's saying.  I can't understand what he's saying. I need some subtitles. 

11:37pm Scrappy is at Erica's place packing for his move. She tells Scrappy about the incident she had with Stevie J at K. Michelle's showcase. Scrappy explains how people get KILT. "I wanna put them paws on em." Oh, the imagery of Scrappy Doo in my head. Scrappy is on probation but declares he will avenge the disrespect Erica endured. For some reason, I think Erica is turned on by this. She a ratchet baby mama why wouldn't she be? Where do they live? Their apartment looks hella hood & "regular." 

11:40pm K. Michelle goes to visit Ariane to get her opinion on the showcase. K. Michelle says Karlie told her producer he signed the wrong artist. Messy messy. K.Michelle says producers don't hand out deals to 50 year old's who don't even have a Wikipedia page. Oh, the shade! 

11:46pm K. Michelle meets this fat dude Jeff Robinson. He's a music producer and the go-to guy for branding and building new artists who is responsible for Alicia Keys & Tyrese. She starts crying as he explains to her that she's damaged goods in the industry. Everyone thinks she's crazy. Robinson also hesitates about reppin K. Michelle. WHY does she remind me of Keyshia Cole before she got her gap fixed? 

11:49pm Joseline and Mimi are sitting at dinner. Why are they sitting at dinner? Don't answer that. Mimi is too calm. I don't buy this hardcore woman act she plays in her confessionals. Heffa got a whole lot to say when no one is there to bop her in the mouth. Mimi tells us all she's no fool and she knows exactly the kind of man she "got." No one believes her. We all think she's the head stupid hoe at the Club for Stupid Hoes. "I know who baby this is & you do too." Stevie J shows up and he STILL has the pregnancy test. In his pocket. Thats fuckin gross! He's carrying around a pissy pregnancy test like its a driver's license. Stevie is sloppy. This confirms his relationship with Joseline is not the strictly professional one they failed to sell the people. Why hasn't Mimi flipped that MF table? Mimi leaves and Stevie threatens to send Joseline back to the strip club. Joseline breaks off "what they have." Girl, you so independent. 

11:56pm We don't have much time for the rest of the fckry in last week's previews to unfold. After the scene in the restaurant, Stevie J follows Joseline into an alley covered in graffiti. Joseline claims she knows better now than she did when she met him at 24. Stevie J talks about giving her another life. Ya know, since he plucked her from a strip club? Son. I can't fuckin understand Joseline. See, this that shit I don't like. Stevie threatens that Joseline should watch how she speaks to him. Her earrings are ugly as shit. 

Next week's episode is sure to be a winner. Make sure you tune in to see Scrappy's mom tell him to scrap with Stevie, Mimi set Stevie straight about "f*ckin bitches" and more!!! 

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