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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The 10 Friend Commandments

Yesterday I overheard a woman telling her confidante how she couldn't believe her non-present friend had done something so tragic knowing how much it would hurt. "I thought we were friends" she said. She kept rhetorically asking "How could she do this to me?" To be fair, I eavesdropped after she dropped the bomb of what her friend actually did but I used context clues to figure out that her now ex-friend had been sleeping with her husband. Ain't that fuct up? Well it can't be too fuct up to too many people cuz it happens often. Homewrecking hussies. 

Aside from the obvious, "Don't sleep with my boo" it became clear to me some people don't know the proper rules for friendships. Its something we don't discuss, we just assume adults know how to be a friend. 
I'm here for y'all. 
10. Thou shalt NOT bear false witness against my spouse. Keep your suspicions to yourself until you have evidence. 

9. Thou shalt not place restrictions on our friendships. I do not exist to be your "work" friend. 
8. Thou shalt NOT trust outsiders with inappropriate pics or videos of me. If I find my pics  on you must die. 

7. Thou shalt NOT lust after, sleep with or give unapproved updates to any ex I was in-love with. If you have to ask whether its ok, its not ok. 
6. Thou shalt NOT get to a club entrance and say you don't have cash for the cover. Yo ass knew you were broke when you got dressed. 

5. Thou shalt NOT make me look like a fool for being your friend. If you're never *there* for me but expect me to keep calling you my friend, start being *there* for me or leave my life. 

4. Thou shalt NEVER hook me up with people you wouldn't date. If you describe them by saying "He/She has a nice personality" don't even THINK about givin 'em my digits. 

3. Thou shall tell me when I'm f*ckin up a good thing. Self-explanatory. 

2. Thou shalt not call yourself a "friend" because of what I can do for you. If all you want is a ride to work or a dependable babysitter, don't jump on the friend bandwagon. I'll kick your ass off quickly. 

1. Thou shalt NOT force our friendship. Just because we spend time together doesn't mean we have to be friends. We can be associates. Also, if we've grown apart or we simply are at two different places in our life, don't force a friendship that doesn't continue naturally. See generally, Beyawnsay & Cumdashian. 

So whats the deal with your friendships? Did I miss any commandments? Have you broken any? 

OAN: Today would have been my nephew's 6th birthday. Happy birthday Shemar! RIP :) 

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