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Friday, August 31, 2012

Conversations with a Female Cheater, Part 2

What the phuck is going on? What are you reading? Why are you already on part 2? It seems like just yesterday we were on part 1. Well, we were. In case you missed the stellar intro to this series, peep part 1. 
Lets jump back in where we left off, shall we? 

In the prior chapter, I revealed that I have been on all sides of the cheating experience. Since I explored one side yesterday, what follows is me sharing what it felt like to be on another side.  

Being the Cheater
Before you start judging me and assassinating my character, I've never done more than emotionally cheat on a spouse. What kinda woman do you think I am? I would rather leave than allow the cheating to reach a physical level. Got it? Moving on. 

I started getting emotionally attached to a co-worker ("Ted") when my boyfriend didn't fulfill my emotional needs. I felt unappreciated, but I wasn't ready to leave. Ted was one of those nice guys who always finish last. I used Ted to help fill that void. Ted was part of the reason I looked forward to going to work. I didn't realize what I was doing until I stopped. Read that again. We starting chatting when he stopped me in the break room and asked me, "Are you ok?" and I responded, "Yes, I'm fine" knowing the look on my face contradicted my words. I'm not one to open up my life to complete strangers and that is what Ted was to me. My boyfriend and I had argued all the way to work and I had allowed it to affect my mood. That day I couldn't leave my outside problems at the door. I am a crier and I knew if I told anyone what happened I would be *that* girl who cried at work. 

A few hours later, Ted surprised me and brought me lunch to my cubicle. He told me not to worry about paying him back and invited me to join him to eat lunch together. I obliged. We decided to eat lunch outside. I knew he was gonna probe me, but I didn't careHe started off telling me about his family issues and how his struggles made it easier to recognize mine. He was single and frustrated with women taking advantage of him. His last girlfriend had swindled him out of $5,000. Dreadful. 

Our fling started with me venting about my sub-par boyfriend and it progressed into lunch dates and regular cubicle visits. Corporate America is allllll about the cubicle visits. I started sneaking around at home to call Ted. I used Ted as a sounding board to express my anger over what was going on at home. Eventually we started talking about other things and Ted wanted to explore more things about me.  Over the course of a few weeks, Ted developed and confessed strong feelings for me and he eventually asked me to be with him. I didn't feel the same way. It is quite possible that I gave him the impression that I was fed up. I *was* tired of feeling unappreciated, but not fed up enough to leave...yet. Our work relationship became awkward. He was willing to allow me the freedom to decide when to leave. I liked Ted, but I didn't want to get involved because we worked together. Also, for some reason, knowing he could fall for me when he didn't have all of me was a turnoff. Sue me. 

I never told my boyfriend about Ted. After Ted and I broke off our communications, things went from bad to worse in my relationship. Everything my boyfriend did annoyed me. Even the way he touched me was annoying. He was finally trying to do the things I had begged him for months to do and it wasn't good enough. His efforts didn't feel genuine. He didn't change because he wanted to, he changed because he was tired of me fussing about it. Besides, by that time I was already fed up. I had to let him go. 

I'll post part 3 sometime later today. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1


Aisha said...

Twiddles thumbs fror part 3.. Is it later today, yet?

Rickeysha said...

LOL! Here is part 3-->

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