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Monday, August 27, 2012

Love & Hip Hop Reunion: The Recap, Part 1

Funkmaster Flex did the intro. We already know what kinda show its about to be. 

Executive producer Mona Scott-Young is the moderator. Why do I get the feeling she's gonna allow so much ratchet shit to happen this e'nin? Why do I get the feeling she's gonna try to protect her image while allowing these "ladies" to look like ratchet fools? Lets hope I'm right. 

Its showtime!! 
8:03pm Joseline stands up and tells her fans (?) they can have all of *this* cuz she's the baddest bitch. Producer Mona Scott starts off by addressing the negative feedback and she uses Mimi to address that rumor. Mimi says the show is real and there was no script involved. 

It appears we're going to be hearing questions from LAHHATL "fans" from social networks. I can deal with that I suppose. 

8:05pm Amanda L from Facebook wants to know how old Karlie is. She answers, "I'm beautiful, I'm young ,I'm talented and I never tell my age." She's a lie, a lie and a GD lie. Her answer means she's too old to be still tryna break into the industry and smang rappers like Roscoe Dash. K. Michelle brings up Karlie's Wikipedia page, which says she was born in 1985. Aint NO WAY Karlie was born in 1985! K. Michelle says ol girl marched with Martin Luther King. Oh the messy just showed up! 

8:06pm Missy G from Facebook wants the ladies to tell about their plastic surgery. K. Michelle admit she's had her teeth and breast done and says she got her donk from her mama and Jiffy cornbread. Aint nothin wrong with that! Karlie says she's had her teeth and breast done but her butt in 100% real. She says her butt is real because if she was gonna get a fake butt she would have gone bigger. Thats soem fuct up logic. Son, she's wearing a hideous dress!! Like hideous!! Joseline says she's had her teeth and her breast done and her hair and eyelashes are fake as well. She still maintains she's a "real" woman tho. Ok girl. 

8:08pm Mona asks Joseline "Are you or were you ever a man?" Joseline asks Mona to attest to the fact that Joseline peed on the stick and she is indeed a woman. Joseline says every bitch she's ever met wishes they had her body. I'm cool on her body, doe. 

8:09pm Mona asks the cast to own up to whether they ever doubted whether Joseline is a real woman. Erica cops to it, but Joseline claps back saying she used to dance for Scrappy so Scrappy knows. ahahahahahaha!!! Hell naw! Not many comebacks better than "ask ya man he knows." Apparently Joseline used a pseudo-name Shenellica Bettencourt and she's been to jail 20 times. Who knew? Who is surprised?

::Commercial Break::

8:15pm We come back to questions about Karlie Redd. Remember how messy she was? I do. She was super messy and I was sorta hoping she got her ass handed to her.  Karlie rubbed people the wrong way and she DID always keep her nose in someone els'e business. Karlie won't tell us her daughter's age. That means her daughter is proly 25. K. Michelle says Karlie is ancient. Karlie calls her bi-polar. Not that Karlie was tryna shack up with Benzino tho. 

Its time for audience questions. 
8:18pm Funky Dineva addresses Karlie. Yessssss gawwwwdddd!!!!! I'm so here for Funky Dineva! I need y'all to know how much I love her! She asks Karlie about whether she was ever signed to Cash Money because the President, Mack Maine, denied that she was ever signed to the label. I don't care about her answer. I'm just so happy to see Funky Dineva! Work biattcchh!!! 

8:19pm Oh now its time to address K.Michelle's ass whooping. Rasheeda is asked about how she responded to the situation. Rasheeda is wearing shoes from last year and I'm gonna let that slide. I'm not judging. Just sayin the glitter shoe trend is dead and gone. Rasheeda says she's not sure she believes K. Michelle. 

K. Michelle says Rasheeda doesn't have to believe her story. I'm not here for Rasheeda's nameplate that says "Bad" but her hair is laid tho. Who styled her? Her entire outfit looks cheap. Thats not what y'all came to read about so I'm chillin. Rasheeda calls K. Michelle a "Bi-polar schizophrenic insecure ass bitch" who wants to have a husband like Kirk. Uh oh Rasheeda done jumped up outta her seat. I don't like this side of Rasheeda. She is tacky. Why is she so angry? I thought she was a classy woman who stayed above the fray. She's goin to battle for people we didn't even know she was really friends with. Kirk got up ready to do what? Help his wife in a physical fight against another woman? Ok girl. 

::Commercial Break::

8:27pm Now we're gonna talk about the time Scrappy put them paws on Stevie. Scrappy and Stevie are on stage. Mona Scott-Young says they edited the fight to make it shorter in an effort to minimize the amount of violence shown on tv. Girl please, your lawyers told you to say that. Sit down. Scrappy explains "I put them paws on 'em." He goes on to explain how he just wanted Stevie to apologize to Erica and how it got out of hand because he called Joseline a bitch. Joseline and Erica get into a shouting match. Erica's face looks flawless tho. I love that lip color on her. She kept it simple with a few pops. I love it. 

8:32pm Momma Dee is welcomed on stage in her finest hood woman portraying a classy church lady blazer. Seriously, she looks like she's trying to look professional and its not working. I'll pass. She explains how she felt about the throne and some other shit "and in that order." Blah blah blah.  

Greedy M from Facebook asks about Scrappy's probation and whether his probation officer has called about the incident. Way to snitch Facebook folks! 

::Commercial Break::

8:37pm Joseline, Stevie, Mimi and Ariane are on stage together. Stevie is wearing hot pink pants and can't seem to decide whether he wants to keep his sunglasses on or off. Mona asks how Stevie felt about knowing he hurt Mimi's feelings. He says he never married Mimi because he doesn't consider himself the marrying type. Mimi says she never considered Stevie for her husband. I don't believe her. You don't give up your poon to a man for 12 years without your heart getting into it. You don't give your poon to a man for 12 months without wondering where its gonna go. Stevie leaves Joseline on the couch by herself and joins Mimi and Ariane. Mimi is wearing a church lady banquet dress tho. Its not flattering. I don't like that shiny material. its glistening. Stevie calls Ariane a hater. Ariane claps back and says she was Mimi's support system. Ariane is a classy chick. my fav by far. I don't think she got a lot of screentime because she kept it classy. 

Mimi tells she's been self sufficient all of her life. She says she doesn't need Stevie's money. 

Mona asks Joseline if she has any advice for Mimi about how to deal with Stevie. Mimi says Joseline can't tell her anything about the man she's known for 15 years. How many of y'all believe Joseline has a better handle on Stevie than Mimi does after 15 years? \o<--raised hand. 

::Commercial Break::

8:51pm Now its time to discuss Joseline's fake abortion. I had forgotten all about their "strictly business" lie. Joseline reveals Stevie plays games with all of his babymamas so him denying her baby wasn't a new thing. Mimi emphasizes how she's know Stevie for 15 years. It just makes her look more stupid. After 15 years you still don't have any pull with your man? Mona asked whether Stevie would have handled the situation differently and he says he wouldn't have been as much of a jerk. Ok child. Stevie admits he believed that was his baby. Mona asks why Stevie was walkin around with the pregnancy test in his. 

8:53pm Genie H from twitter asked Stevie whether he forced Joseline to get the abortion. Stevie said he didn't force her. Joseline said she got rid of it because he has 5 kids and because her career is taking off. I guess. I still haven't heard her song on the radio tho so I don't know about her career "taking off." She says she would marry Stevie if he asked because he's about to make a lot of money. 

::Commercial Break::
8:58pm Mona asks Mimi whether she thinks its really over. She says Stevie is the father of her child so she can't say its truly lover. Stevie says he'll never really let Mimi go. Joseline says an entire string of curse words and follows it with "I am a woman of God." A woman of WHAT God? Stevie is asked whether he and Joseline are a couple and calls it a wrap for part 1. That was such a weak move. Supa weak. 

Oh look, Single Ladies. ::Changes Channel::

Twitter: @YourFavEsquire


Bri said...

I about died at Scarppy's facial expression when the FB person asked about his probation. He was looking around like...WTF do I put my paws on about this shhhhh

Rickeysha said...

LOL! I saw Scrappy's face too. He was like, "Man who chose this question? My PO was cool, but now you're about to cause some problems." I hope he doesn't get into too much trouble, but puttin ya paws on people has consequences! lol

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