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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Friendzone. . .Aint Nothin Friendly About it!

Before we get started lets make something crystal clear:  Platonic friendships and the friendzone are not one in the same. Platonic friendships are voluntary friendships between two people of the opposite sex. At least one of the people in the friendzone-ship once wanted a relationship, but was turned down and chose to stick around. They chose to be the "nice girl" or "nice guy" and got their nice ass tossed into the friendzone. Their bad. If they had not been turned down, they would be pursuing a romantic connection complete with anniversaries #andshit. Now that they know thats not possible, they gotta be cordial when their friend shows up with a boo-thang and hide their jealousy and frustration. They gotta act like it doesn't bother them when they hear stuff like, "I feel like I can talk to you about anything" as their friend shares stories about all the crappy dates they have been on. They gotta sit there and listen to their friend say stuff like, "I wish I could find someone like you." What part of any of that is friendly? 

What is the friendzone? 
Its the place where chances for genital stimulation and sexual satisfaction go to die. Its the opposite of the "I wanna date you" zone and only crosses over into the "I wanna have sex with you" zone after the resistant party has consumed large amounts of drugs and/or alcohol. Only one of them wakes up and regrets it. People in the friendzone hear phrases like, "I love you like my little sister" or "You're like the brother I never had." Its torture. 

Why the friendzone? 
People are passive aggressive. Instead of being totally honest they would rather be "nice." Friendzoners are some selfish people and they disguise their actions as a desire to spare someone else's feelings. Lies and deceit. Truth is they just want friends of the opposite sex to hang out with. What adult wants that? Friendzoners. They want the two of you to keep spending quality time together, but just not as a couple. *Bazinga* Instead of saying, "I wouldn't have sex with you using someone else's genitals" they prefer to say, "Eh lets just be friends." 
Who friendzones people more? I can't say for sure. All I know is I've friendzoned no less than 20 guys and I have been friendzoned once. Karma is a bitch. If friendzoning were an olympic sport I would sooooo medal. America's national anthem would play as I teared up and posed biting my medal. I would stand and wave on the podium as thousands celebrated my near perfect performance of successfully friendzoning suitors. P&G would do a salute to my mother who would share stories about how I developed my unique technique. Based upon my experience (duh, right?) women friendzone more. Guess what? That ONE time I was unexpectedly friendzoned meant way more than knowing there are 20 people I've friendzoned. I'm still winning tho. Or am I?

You may not understand where I'm coming from if you've never been a friendzonEE. If you've only been a friendzonER, you have a skewed perspective. Don't debate me on this. I can say that because I used to live that life. I used to live thinkin no one would friendzone me. Who the phuck do you think you are to friendzone me? I'm Raine (bitch)! Thats the kinda pep talk I used to give myself! I'm lyin. I still give myself that peptalk. I cuss when I give myself pep talks. Try it. 

Nobody likes to be put in the friendzone. Anyone who tells you that is crazy. People stay in the friendzone trap because we've been sold the dream of falling in love with our best friend. If it don't apply, let it fly. As pitiful as it sounds, people stick around because they hope to be there and to be available when their friend decides to commit. They're hoping their friend will one day wake up and think, "Wow! He/she has been there for me since day one. I'm gonna commit to him/her." How long are you willing to wait around for that to never happen? That friend-in-limbo zone is a miserable place. Don't go there. If someone doesn't think you're worth starting a relationship with, don't stress. Don't fight for someone who doesn't want you to win. Just move on while you still have your dignity. What are you gonna do? FORCE them to change their minds? Don't be silly. Why would you want a relationship where you had to force someone to be in it with you? Do y'all have low self-esteem or are you just ugly? Either way, there is someone out there for everyone. Don't make someone else's happiness and peace of mind more important than your own. If the one you THINK you should be with doesn't feel the same way about you, thats NOT your somebody. Free yourself. Nobody told you it would be easy. 

Just remember, being forced into the friendzone means you get to stick around and watch someone you like fall in love with someone else. Nope. I didn't wanna end it on a light note. 

Oh, to the person who friendzoned me...hi :-)  Cold world. 

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