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Friday, August 10, 2012

The Mystery of "Aint Sh*t Friends"...SOLVED

Ever hear somebody complain about their friends and you wonder why they're still friends? Don't sit there and act like its just me. After hearing complaints from people saying they're tired of being disappointed by their friends I decided to investigate. 

Gas up the Mystery Machine and grab some Scooby snacks, we're about to put some paws on this mystery. The first step to solving the mystery is to define key terms. What is an "Aint Shit Friend?" Well, put mildly, its a bad friend. If you need more of a definition than that, you need the kinda help I can't provide. 

We all complain about our family members, duh right? You can't choose your family members, but you CAN choose your friends. Double duh. If you're gonna sit there and duh me to death tell me, why are people complaining about their friends? Serious question: If the person you call your "friend" has never been there for you why do you continue to associate with them? I'm serious. I wanna know. Because "being there when it counts" is what matters right? I know you're there when they need you but are they only coming to you when they need you? Are you sticking around because you like to feel needed? Theres an app for that. Take a look around you. Are your friends clutch players? Whats the common thread? Do you have people who inspire you to be better? Are you the person with the most resources? Do you have people who you can say, with certainty, that if you needed them they would be there? 

POP QUIZ. If you had car trouble right now would you be able to call your "friend" to take you to the grocery store? If you needed someone to go check on your mom and your friend was near your mom's house would they go check on her? If you needed a place to stay for a week would your friend open their home to you without complaining or bragging? If you hit hard times and needed a place to eat, would your friend provide you a meal within their means? 

I thought it was simple. I thought we avoided making excuses when others show us they're no good for us. I need to stop thinking. Don't force friendships to continue when you should have ended them long ago. Whats the point of staying? If a person is a shitty friend, they're not your friend. They're just a shitty person you know. Say it like that and I guarantee you won't be disappointed the next time they let you down. I read a quote from Maya Angelou that Oprah has helped make famous, "When people show you who they are believe them the first time." Read that again. Write it down. Take a picture. What do you think someone is showing you when they are a shitty friend towards you? What about when they give you their word and break it unapologetically? How does it enhance your life to keep them around? Really, I want you to answer that. 

Missed one call? Busy friend
Missed two calls? Friend on thin ice
Ignored three calls? Not yo friend.

Am I trippin? Its not just me is it? Here is my theory: we're using the wrong words to describe our relationships. Stuffing people in boxes they don't want to be in. Basically, we're calling people our friends who have no desire to be such a thing. Spend less time forcing the friendship and more time calling a spade a spade.
I suppose my perspective on friendships is skewed because I am a woman. Every woman needs good girlfriends. Yes, every woman. Having girlfriends is essential to our emotional health. I don't trust a woman who doesn't have at least one close female girlfriend. I don't trust a woman who wants to be friends with everybody. I don't trust women who claim they can ONLY be friends with men. You know what I think about those types? They're sluts. Anyway, I also think men need at least one friend who can hold them accountable. They need at least one other male who they trust enough to believe him when he says, "Aye man, you need to straighten up." 

Theres no reason you should be making excuses for your friends. Theres no reason you should be making excuses in any relationship. If the relationship is terrible, making excuses for sticking around won't make it better. Maybe we should all start using qualifiers so we can protect ourselves. If you only hang out with them 5 days a week at work, call them your work buddy. Say it just like that. If you only hang out with them at the gym call them "(Insert name here) that guy/gal you met at the gym." If they're a good choice for hangin out, just call them your partner in crime. Apply this standard and see how it works out for ya. If you think the qualifiers will hurt their feelings you can call them a friend to their face, but don't lose sight of the real deal. Don't be so afraid to be the bad person that you end up setting yourself up for pain and disappointment. 

Mystery. Solved. 
They woulda continued getting away with not being shit too, if it wasn't for this meddling kid LOL! 

OAN: Its my younger sister's bday today. Happy Birthday Britt! Love you! 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

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