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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

10 Fuct Up Things I've Learned About Dating as an Adult

Dating sucks. Can we agree on that? Good! We're friends now. Glad we got that outta the way. I get tired of finding appropriately seski outfits and pretending to listen to men talk about work at fancy restaurants. I'm tired of telling people my favorite color. I'm tired of explaining to my family why I don't have a man or kids. I'm tired of the awkward opening conversations. In short, I'm OVER it. If you're still into it, good for you!

Dating in college was so simple. The dating pool in college was like shooting fish in a barrel. It was so easy. You could meet like-minded people in student groups, frat parties, tailgating parties, spring break in Cabo and the days you were sober in class. Everyone was sleeping with everyone but no one cared. I was boo'd up almost the entire time so I was just on the sidelines judging. Now that college is over and it's clear so many missed the opportunity to find their soulmate while earning a Bachelor's degree, so begins the process of dating as a working adult (age 24+). In my experience doing so, I've picked up on a couple of fuct up things: 

10. You Ain't The Only One. Dating is a numbers game. No one puts all their eggs into one basket I don't care how amazing you are. Until you have the conversation about being monogamous, alway assume you've got some competition. 

9. Keep Your Dirty Laundry. People will laugh, but no one cares. You end up showing more about your character than you could ever say about the person you’re “blasting.”

8. People are too QUICK to Borrow Money. If I didn't help you acquire that bill, don't ask for my help paying it.

7. Timing is Everything. That person who isn't ready for a relationship when you met them might not be bullshitting. Bad timing is a legitimate justification. Timing really is everything.

6. People are Crazy. Everyone has been heartbroken. Everyone has their reasons for being single. Some people have issues deeper than that. Give it time and the crazy will show up.

5. Love is a Choice. You chose to have sex. You chose to spend time together. Act like you knew you would fall in love. 

4. You're Officially Too Old to (insert teenage dating issue here).
You're too old for sex in cars. You're too old for petty disagreements. You're too old to be afraid to have grown up conversations about sex. Your pass to be naive and reckless has expired. 

3. Use Your Network. If your friends and family are not in recruiter mode for you, they don't love you. Go out with the nice guy your grandma met at the grocery store. 
2. Social Networks are FREE Dating Sites. Why create a creepy and desperate profile when you could send a thirsty tweet or FB message and get better results? 
1. Everyone is Tired of Dating. That is the most fuct up part. I asked a mixed group of 10 men and women and they all said this. Don't question my population sample, just go with it. Some have gone as far as saying their next mate will be their last mate. It's *that* bad.

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, take a moment and reflect on your own dating experiences. I understand that some people have their own rules while others just go with the flow. Dating as an adult is one of those necessary evils. It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself through your interactions with other people. To one person you may be affectionate, but to another person you may be too clingy. It’s all about finding that one person who piques your interest enough for you to keep investing time in them. By the way, my boy G said Love is a choice & he’s right. Love is something you choose to do. You get to a point where you know if you continue to do certain things the feelings will surface. You just have to be honest enough with yourself because you might wake up one day and realize the person you can’t live without is smanging the chick who learned to speak his love language first. 


Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1


RealMissDread said...

Ok seriously sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who thinks adult dating is an atrocity. Lol (seriously though). You put it together very well!

Miss6 said...

It is hard out here in these streets but I have hope that there are some normal men still single. Hey if i'm a normal female then i'm sure there must be at least one more normal man geesh

Rickeysha said...

LOL! Keep hope alive girl! I've come to accept that I'm not "normal" so I'll proly end up with someone as nerdy & weird as I am. I'm ok with that :)

Candice said...

As I read this I was like damn, is dating really that hard? But I slapped myself when I realized I was talking from a place of privilege. I ain't never "dated" as a for real grown woman. I've been booed up from 23 - present.

Rickeysha said...

See it was a shock for me because this is really my first time being single & dating since I've been allowed to date. I've been SINGLE single going on 2 years & I feel like I'm still learning what it's like to date in the city. It's hard outchea foe a pimp!

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