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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Look at all the F*cks I Give...

I'm not chillin today. I woke up and said to myself "Today is not the day to chill." There are some topics that have been on my mind and instead of trying to space them out into separate posts, I decided to get right to the point. If you can't handle loose profanity, you might wanna stop reading now. Here we go:

About Sending Nudes: A nude a day keeps your spouse from going astray. Follow the Rules: 1) Take pics from the neck down without any distinctive markings. 2) Check the recipient thrice. 3) Only send them to people you trust. 4) Never leak them (or you fuck up the game for the rest of us). Now go on and send one. 

About Penis Size: If you are past the voting age & you're still walkin around bragging about the measurements of your penis you aint getting regular servings of coochie. 

About the 90 day rule: Only hoes follow it. 

About $200 dates: If he paid for a $200 date and you didn't put out, you won. If he paid for a $200 date and you DID put out, you're a whore who acts like you never had nice things. 

About Facebook: I only liked FB when it was only for college students. The hoodboogers and bootleg sneaker shops got their hands on it and RUINT it for everyone else. Use it for dating purposes cuz that's where the lonely chicks are.

About Homophones: Learn them shits. Use 'em right.

About Money: Stay outta my pockets. Don't worry about how I pay for stuff. Worry about whether yo mama was a hoe back in the day. 

About Condoms: Use them even though not using them feels like one of the greatest things in the world. 

About Codeswitching: Make some diverse friends and learn how to speak standard English. You can still be ratchet, but learn how to switch it up. Don't be a dumbass.

About Work: We don't give a damn if you don't like your job. Stop complaining if you're not gonna quit. 

About Drugs: Drugs are bad, mmkay? 

About Voting: People say it doesn't matter who you vote for, just vote. Fuck that. It matters. One of the candidates doesn't give a shit about people with bank accounts like mine. I'm going with the black guy. If you don't vote, don't talk to me.

If you have anything you need to get off your chest, now is the time. Raine is listening. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

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