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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The 20 Do's & Don'ts of Thanksgiving

Knowing the REAL story of Thanksgiving won't stop my show. As long as we still "celebrate" Christopher Columbus Day we can still celebrate Thanksgiving. As a proud Fatty Mcfatfat, I can say without shame that Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday. It is only second behind Christmas because at Christmas I get to eat delicious food AND get awesome gifts. Either way, I have my tights and loose fitting clothing ready for Thursday. Enough about me. 

Thanksgiving is Thursday and it's time for us to lay down some ground rules. Here are the 20 do's & don'ts of Thanksgiving . . .

20. Check your ego. If you don't own the biggest house, you don't get to host Thanksgiving. If you don't make the best (insert dish here), you don't get to make it. Get over it.
19. Don't Expect People to Work Around Your Picky Eating Habits. We WILL understand if you don't eat pork, but that's about it.
18. Ask what is going to be on the menu before you arrive. You don't want a surprise vegetarian meal when you were expecting turkey, chicken and beef. 
17. DON'T arrive to a potluck-style Thanksgiving dinner empty handed. Ask the host what you should bring. Even if they say nothing, bring SOMETHING. 
16. Respect table assignments. If you didn't wanna sit at the kids table, you shouldn't have told people you're #TeamEdward.  
15. Stick to your signature dish. Don't push it. 
14. Line-up a plan B just in case the primary host makes people wait for the food.  Don't feel guilty.
13. Make sure everyone knows who made the potato salad.  Since some people "don't eat everyone's food" just make sure to tell who made what. 
12. DON'T upload pics of your plate. No one wants to see your "food porn" anyway.
11. DON'T be afraid to turn "non-RSVPers" around AT.THE.DOOR. Tell 'em to take their non-RSVPing ass to Boston Market.
10. Don't make a big deal about breaking your diet. Everyone does it. No one cares. 
9. DON’T arrive late and then be surprised when all the food is gone.
8. For hosts: make arrangements for guests to make to-go plates. Tell a non-cook to buy some styrofoam plates. 
7. Don't make your to-go plate before everyone has eaten. That's just inconsiderate.
6. Help Clean up. Remember people who skip out on cleaning up don't get invited back for Christmas. 
5. Appreciate the Experience. Appreciate the people you spend the holiday with even if you spend it with complete strangers. 
4. Brainstorm about what you’re thankful for. Nobody likes the person who holds up Thanksgiving dinner because they can’t think of anything decent to share.
3. Don't be salty because no one touched your food. Work on your presentation. 
2. Fully equip your host site. People WILL hate you if you run out of toilet paper. 
1. Be thankful for everything you have. You have your eyesight, access to the internet and a sound mind to read this post.  

Now that you have the rules, you have no excuse for cuttin up on Thursday. Did I miss any rules? What rules do you and your family follow for Thanksgiving? I'm listening. 

Twitter: @LegallyRatchet1

PS. There will not be a post on Thursday. Regular posting will resume on Tuesday November 27. 

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