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Thursday, April 07, 2016

Dear Miss "Too Much": An Open Letter to All Women Seeking REAL Love

Dear Miss "Too Much,"

Girl guess what?

You got "too much" attitude.

You got "too much" hair.
You got "too much" sass.
You got "too much" going on.

How many times have you heard those words? How many times did you internalize them and receive them as truth? Someone said the words and now you believe them. You think you've got too much hair, too much sass, too much class, too many rules, too much ass (ok there's no such thing as too much ass lol), and too much of all the things that make it hard for a lover to love you.

You've got too many rules.

You've got too many things you won't settle for.
You've got standards no one will ever meet.
You've got walls bigger than the ones #thatguy wants to build.
You've got skin darker than midnight.
You've got a painful past and baggage you need to unpack.

I'm not sure when it happened or who planted the seed, but someone told you were too much to handle and it has blossomed into an orchard of doubt. They tell you your "too much" is why it didn't work. If you had just been "less than" things would be different. If you had just had less attitude it would have worked. If you had been more submissive. If you had been less sassy. If you had been more agreeable. If you had lower standards. If you had a different set of standards. If you were just a little bit less of yourself you would be more deserving of their love.

They said you have too much to say. You should be quieter. They told you you have too much hair. You should press it out. They told you your smile needs to be fixed. You should not be proud of your crooked smile. They told you your thighs needed to be thicker. You should gain weight. They told you your thighs are too thick. You need to lose weight. They told you because of your ambitions you don't have enough free time.  You should be happy where you are. They challenged you to change yourself. They encouraged you to alter and shrink yourself. Make your laugh more of a giggle and less of a cackle. Don't curse so much. Don't demand so much. Don't succeed so much. Be more humble. 

Things would be different. Right?

It's time to unearth all the seeds planted by people who have made you feel like you couldn't allow your light to fill every crevice of yourself. Rise up. Stand up within yourself. Accept that you allowed someone to make you feel like you're no good and make a conscious effort not to allow it to happen again. Decide you will not allow anyone else to make you feel small. Decide you will not allow anyone else to make you feel "less than."

You are capable.
You are strong.
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You can do it.

I challenge you to enter into a loving relationship with yourself.

Take time out to fall in love with yourself.
Fall in love with all the parts of yourself people have told you make you hard to love.
Fall in love with all the things that are not perfect about you.
Fall in love with your thick ass afro and your thinning edges.
Fall in love with your wide hips and your itty bitty titties.
Fall in love with your freckles or your acne spots and your caterpillar ass eyebrows.
Fall in love with every mole, every blemish and every unruly strand of hair.
Fall in love with your skinny fingers and that slight 'stache you grow once a week.
Fall in love with the stretch marks.

Love yourself right where you are at this exact moment.

Love yourself at the exact weight you are.  Love yourself and the car you drive or don't drive. Love yourself for the house/apt/condo/basement/bedroom in your mom's house you live in. Love yourself at the exact mental state you're in. Love yourself for all the help you need. Love yourself for all the help you ask for. Love yourself at your current level of "can" and "can't."

Forgive yourself. Forgive those who have hurt you. Deal with the things you worry about and the negative things you feel about yourself. You can embrace who you are and what you are and what you have at this exact moment. Step into self love. You are worthy of unconditional love.

Let me tell you something about real love:

People who love you will love you for EXACTLY who you are. They will love you for your gap tooth. They will love your bow legs. They will love your for your double digit "body count." They will love your kinky hair. They will love your skinny arms. They will love your hairy back. They will love your FUPA. They will love your ugly feet. They will love your long arms and lanky figure. They will love the way your belly has rolls when you sit down (and stand up). People who are determined to love you will always find a way. Anyone who makes you feel like you have to change BEFORE they can love you is not someone who deserves your love. Those people don't know how to love. 

Let your light SHINE, darling. Develop the courage to stop seeking approval from others. Realize REAL love starts with self-love. You don't have to feel like a victim any longer. I hereby release you from every feeling of unworthiness and every desire to be anyone other than your whole self.

With love,

Miss "Too Much"


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