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Saturday, May 07, 2016

8 Ways to Celebrate Mother's Day That Do NOT Involve Buying Gifts (Crazy concept, I know!)

You've gotten the flowers and the chocolate. You've reminisced on all the hell you caused her. You're older now and Mother's Day means more than a handmade card and some chocolate. Mother's Day is a day you get to reflect on the life your mom gave you. Regardless of what you life was like once she gave birth Mother's Day is a day to honor the fact that your mom chose life for you.

I know this week has been difficult for some struggling with the loss of their mom and also those coping with infant loss. There is no one who can take your mom's place or your unborn child's place. I hope you remember God and the universe are restorative. Although you may not have your mom or your child in the physical sense I can guarantee that you have someone in your life that you can love on and that can love you. Try not to focus on the loved ones you have lost. Try to focus on those people who are still alive and stand ready to pour love and light into you.

It is the night before Mother's Day and I know some of y'all are just now shopping for your Mother's Day gifts. Here are 8 ways all of us can celebrate Mother's Day.

8. Take Care of Yourself. The Best way to to take care of the people you love (including your mom) is to take care of yourself. Take care of your own finances first. Take care of your own mental health first. Take care of your own home first. Address any issues you may have and learn to love yourself just as you are.

7. Stop asking women without a child when they will have a child. It's none of your business.  CAN YOU NOT encourage people to have babies who aren't ready to have babies? THANKS. 

6. Stop asking women with a child when they will have another child. Are you gonna help pay for the extra kid? People take for granted the emotional and physical price a woman pays to give birth to a child. If she wants to procreate again it's her choice. You will know she's ready when you know. If she's anything like me you'll know a month after the baby is born.

5. Stop staring at kids who throw tantrums in public. You were once a kid. Chances are you threw at least one tanrum. Chances are your mom felt helpless and hopeless in the heat of the tantrum. The child you're staring at is your younger self. That means the mom you're staring at is your own mom.

4. Forgive Your Mom. I know there are some people who do not consider their moms their best friend. I am one of those people. It used to be so hard on me because my friends all consider their moms a best friend. My mom is not a bad mom we just are not close. I know she will be there for me if I need her, but our relationship is not quite a friendship per se. My point is moms are people too. We are not superheroes. We make mistakes. We forget things. We get tired. We all do the best we can with what we have. Forgive your biological mom if she has ever fallen short in your life. Forgive your motherly figures, too.

3. Celebrate your "bonus" moms. You didn't get where you are without the help, prayers and sacrifice of other people. That "auntie" at work who shares her lunch. That "grandma" at church who loves on you when you need it the most and always has mints. That "sista" who looks out for you when you are too ashamed to ask for help. Celebrate all of the people who have stood in the gap for you to propel you forward.

2. Stop Judging Other Moms. Whether she allows her kid to have Cheetos, Cheerios, or Goldfish crackers every mom doing her best deserves some slack. If you are a mom please support other moms. Acknowledge the challenges. Support her. Tell her she's a good mom. Tell her she's doing a good. Tell her good things.

1. Don't Isolate Your "mom friends." I get it. Moms are busy. We have a lot on our plate. Sometimes we have to cancel plans last minute because the kid gets sick. Don't isolate us. We are still around. We still like to go out. We still want to see you. We still want to talk to you. Yes we are adjusting, but we don't want to lose you as a friend. Work with her schedule to allow time to continue your bond. Trust me your mom friend needs to see adults!

'Tis all. How are you celebrating Mother's Day this year? Are you the perfect offspring and you celebrate mom's day everyday? 

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